FADE IN:
INT. BAR — NIGHT
Crowded bar scene. MAN and WOMAN do the standard flirting thing, he buys her a drink, they dance, then exit. Their dialogue isn’t important — the bar’s too loud for us to hear much anyway. But it’s clear that both are willing to engage in the sex that follows.
INT. APARTMENT — LATER
They enter her apartment and move through it toward the bedroom, happily and heatedly, kissing, touching, and unbuttoning each other on the way.
INT. BEDROOM — CONTINUOUS
They are on the bed, then in the bed, which has a nightstand right beside it, then while intercourse is clearly occurring —
WOMAN
So, do you want a girl or a boy?
He stops mid-thrust.
MAN
What?
He pulls out. Grimaces at his limpness.
WOMAN
Well, you aren’t using any contraception, so it stands to reason you want a child. I mean, you must know that —
(she gestures vaguely)
MAN
(rolling off her; things are clearly over)
Of course I know — No, I don’t want a kid —
He’s up and dressing.
MAN (CONT’D)
I assumed you were —
WOMAN
Pretty important thing to just take for granted, isn’t it?
MAN
(his anger increasing)
What is this, some sort of trap?
WOMAN
Not at all. I’m okay with it. I mean, I’ll charge for incubation services, $50,000 is about standard, and then give you the kid, no strings —
MAN
I don’t want a kid!
WOMAN
Then why —
MAN
Because you’re the one who gets pregnant!
WOMAN
I realize that. And as I said, I’m okay with it. If you’re the one not okay with it, if you’re the one who doesn’t want this to be reproductive sex, then you’re the one who should be using contraception.
He says nothing as he continues to dress.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
Are you usually this adept at separating cause and effect? At not looking at the consequences of your actions?
He reaches for his jacket.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I mean, if you and a friend do a B & E together and he’s the only one who gets caught, you’re okay with that? You’d really not consider yourself equally responsible?
MAN
(quite angry now)
I’d consider myself lucky. Bitch!
He strides out of the bedroom.
WOMAN
(cheerily)
I’ll call you!
1 comment
Guy: Thanks for the call. I didn’t think you wanted to hook up due to the possibility of a pregnancy.
Feminists: I’m game, if you are.
(2 Months later)
Feminists: I have a surprise for you. I am pregnant. You’re going to be a father.
Guy: I never said I wanted to be a father, you said did I want a boy or a girl?
(Feminists gives birth.)
Feminists: I have good news for you. You are the father of a healthy baby girl.
Guy: I have good news, too. I have been accepted to work in the Peace Corps, in the Republic of Congo. And you are more than welcome to come. Think about it, you can experience life in a society where white men and white privilege don’t exist. Where air conditioning doesn’t exist, running water or sanitation exists, either. You can live a grass and mud hut, as mother earth wanted her children to live. No Tampons or Kotex pads here to pollute the environment. You will experience the joy of your period by using banana leafs and sand, as women did for thousands of years. And I know how feminist place such a high value on being environmentally friendly, so by living your life, you will be actually be saving the earth from modern day pollution. And there is more, no make up to use, no high heels, no hand bags, no jeans, gas burning cars, MTV, mocha lattes or other trappings of the white man or white society, only what mother earth provides will we use and wear. I welcome to your new life in paradise in a non-white man dominated society. When can you come?
Feminists: (Pulls gun out, shoots self in head) (Baby girl raised by orphanage financed by taxes in white dominated society. Later becomes a feminists railing against white privilege and white men.)