Claude’s Constitution

A McSweeney’s List

fiction

stageplays

Impact  An extended confrontation between a sexual assault victim and her assailants, as part of an imagined slightly revised court process, in order to understand why they did what they did and, on that basis, to make a recommendation to the court regarding sentence does not go … as expected.

What Happened to Tom  Tom, like many men, assumes that since pregnancy is a natural part of being a woman, it’s no big deal: a woman finds herself pregnant, she does or does not go through with it, end of story.  But then …

Aiding the Enemy  When Private Ann Jones faces execution for “aiding the enemy,” she points to American weapons manufacturers who sell to whatever country is in the market.

Bang Bang  When a young boy playing “Cops and Robbers” jumps out at a man passing by, the man shoots him, thinking the boy’s toy gun is real. Who’s to blame?

Foreseeable  An awful choice in a time of war. Whose choice was it really?

screenplays

Exile (full-length drama) Finalist, WriteMovies; Quarterfinalist, Fade-In. LJ lives in a U . S. of A., with a new Three Strikes Law: first crime, rehab; second crime, prison; third crime, you’re simply kicked out – permanently exiled to a designated remote area, to fend for yourself without the benefits of society. At least he used to live in that new U. S. of A. He’s just committed his third crime.

What Happened to Tom (full-length drama) Semifinalist, Moondance. This guy wakes up to find his body’s been hijacked and turned into a human kidney dialysis machine – for nine months.

Aiding the Enemy (full-length drama and short drama) When Private Ann Jones faces execution for “aiding the enemy,” she points to American weapons manufacturers who sell to whatever country is in the market.

Bang Bang (short drama 30min) Finalist, Gimme Credit; Quarter-finalist, American Gem. When a young boy playing “Cops and Robbers” jumps out at a man passing by, the man shoots him, thinking the boy’s toy gun is real. Who’s to blame?

Foreseeable (short drama 30min) An awful choice in a time of war. Whose choice was it really?

Boston Legal: Bang Bang (spec script) Semifinalist, Scriptapalooza.

My Life in Danger (short drama 3min) When does attempted rape warrant self-defence of deadly force?

Crime of Passion (short drama 3min) The perfect solution to crimes of “passion”

Night Moves (short drama 3min) A one-night stand turns into something much, much more.

The Hook (Up) (short drama 3min) An alternative version of “Night Moves”

The Missing Link (short comedy 3min) Two women and an alien enter a bar…

The Price is Wrong Remember “The Price is Right”? Well …

Take Care of Your Mom While I’m Gone She’s an adult. She needs a ten-year-old to take care of her?

Size Matters What if women were the taller sex? Ask any short man.

If Then The end of our lives as we know them. Can’t say we didn’t see it coming.

Are We Having Fun Yet? Anti-violence-on-tv public television spot

Home for the Holidays A Christmas reality show.

What is Wrong with this Picture? Nothing. There’s no reason women can’t be the superordinates and men the subordinates. But life’s not like that (yet).

The Mr. America Beauty Pageant A spoof of the Miss America Pageant

Minding Our Own Business A collection of skits (including “The Price is Not Quite Right,” “Singin’ in the (Acid) Rain,” “Adverse Reactions,” “The Band-Aid Solution,” and “See Jane. See Dick.”) with a not-so-subtle environmental message

Rot in Hell A soapbox zealot and an atheist face off…